where am I going

with this...one of my struggles these last few years is not to be attached to work. I was attached to teaching. to the shop. in a way that was (& in some sense still is) my identity. who I was/am. but now, it's not. not even in the slightest. I do my work & leave. I care about my work, but it stays there. I now get a mid day break where I get to do house stuff, workout, bike ride...it took me a long time to get there. in most ways i'm still working on it.

and this maybe one of my reasons for not working for some billion dollar company. I couldn't care about the work. I couldn't care if company x made more money because of something that I was doing or needed to do. I see these parents (i'm a soccer dad by the way) in the parking lots of practices, of games, at tournaments that have these management/email gigs; & they're always working. meetings. emails. I just can't see myself doing that. that kind of work.

my current situation may not be intellectually fulfilling, but I have time to work on me & the most important thing is that I am here for my family. I have a gig now where I can take off a few days for soccer (which sometimes becomes a lot) or to get my daughter somewhere she needs to be without question.

during time at my last gig, my dad had open heart surgery & I had to get time off for the surgery & any follow up appointments. when this was going on, they weren't too happy about it & suddenly asking me family questions out of nowhere. made me feel uncomfortable & hr didn't do a damn thing. not to mention I had 4 managers telling me what to do. me. leave me alone. my work gets done & it gets done well. very well in fact. doesn't help when I storm out of the office & say (very loudly) "i'm smarter than all of you." 

and I think that's where another of my issues come up. people don't want thinkers working for them for fear that they will be smarter. i've had interviews that didn't well because of this. ego. I also had an interview that went great & would've been an awesome fit for me, but I was passed over because the 'big boss' hired someone that they knew. so not based on merit; which goes back to something that linkedin said once...'it's who you know'. damn man. that one hit hard. real hard. I was depressed for weeks cause I was really excited for the gig & knew that who would've been my direct manager liked me.

I still keep an eye out if anything comes up, but i'm not really going after anything. so here I sit. thinking about my late morning workout. happy to be here & available for my people & their needs. 

namaste...