Monday, April 27, 2020

life changes in your mid 40s

I knew I needed a life change. I knew that much. that was all I knew.

bike shop life was sucking the happiness out of me. I was at a good shop that had promise of long term employment. something you can't bank on in that industry. but I walked away. I was getting angry at customers for the littlest things. it wasn't going to end well. so I walked away. not only for my mental sake, but also the sake of the shop.

I walked away with no plan. well...I had an idea, but no plan. I thought i'd try coding. I like logic. hell...I have my MA in Philosophy and I focused in logic. long story short...I was having a break down in 2 weeks of school. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I was a wreck. my most wonderfully supportive wife said to walk away, we'll figure this out. I did.

I learned a great deal about myself in those few months. mostly the importance of a wonderful support system. my family. my ability to walk away to try something completely new, no matter the outcome.  a great deal of fear left me throughout this.

a great deal. not all...

I kept wrenching for a little bit for a mobile shop, but my heart wasn't there; but I pressed on to pay the bills. once that started to dry up...I jumped off a sinking ship. this is when life started to freak me out.

where does a guy with an MA in Philosophy (taught at the college level for 10 years), worked/managed in bike shops (for 10 years) go to get a gig that isn't either? how do I find what I want to do? scratch that...need to do. what was I looking for? no freaking idea. what did I want to do? pay my bills. I knew I wanted something where I could punch in. work and then leave. not think about the work after I punch out.

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