Wednesday, April 29, 2020

some quick lessons

when your boss tells you that they "don't know if they'll be able to pay you"...yeah, it's time to cut and run. so I did.

a few things I learned rather quickly while I was running was that I am NOT made for a 3rd shift gig. I thought it would be good. I could work while everyone slept & I could sleep while everyone was at work/school. that did not go over very well with my mental state. I couldn't function and that's not a good thing while you're driving. the other thing I learned was that looking for a job sucked. plain and simple...it just sucked. I hadn't had to do that for a long time. I taught at colleges for 10+ years, and that process was simple. it really was. I have a degree. I have experience. i'm not a basket case and am very competent at my degree knowledge. boom. let's move on. working at bike shops I became a very proficient wrench. i'm not going to lie. i'm good. i'm not breaking my arm by patting myself on the back here. people sought me out. people only wanted me working on their rides. so moving in and around shops were easy as well. my reputation proceeded me. but now that the final nail in the coffin was laid and I left that comfort...I was lost.

I hopped on all the sites hard. LinkedIn. Indeed. where do you go when you're a competent human being. relatively smart. hard worker. excellent work ethic. on time. not a substance abuser. I looked at the local hospitals (some of the best in the country here in Cleveland), local universities; and I had some really close calls. so I began reaching out to people I knew, and had some close calls; but I have one major flaw. one problem in my wiring. I see the bullshit. from a mile away...I see the bullshit. the bullshit questions that employers ask. "what's your problems solving process?" "what was an obstacle that you overcame at work & what was the outcome?" -I din't get fired...haha

the psychological tests that are given that are presented as a "we'd like to get to know you more". when there are no "correct answers", but rather a psychologist designs a "test" around the whatever arbitrary concept the employer deems as what makes an ideal employee. "are you a team player?" "would you rather work alone?" we want you to be independent but yet need us at the same time.

video interviews that are just set questions are not, apparently, my strong suit either. there's no room to talk to a human being. that interplay. that dialogue. when part of the gig i'm applying for is that interplay yet is not there in the interview? wait...what? exactly. when a major part of the job is talking to people and having some kind of personality, the process to get that job has none. ok. makes zero sense.

so my wife and I were in talks about me just being a stay at home dad. which, truth be told, I love it. I love cooking, taking care of the house & of course our child. I enjoyed going to soccer practice for hours on end during a week. however there was a flip side to this, and that being that my wife picked up more hours; which would have made her cranky. justifiably so.

so I got a seasonal gig with UPS and I was really happy with myself that I passed their rigorous driving school. however; just like any other big corporation, they jerk you around as they need you. no set hours. no set time. and the big corporation overloaded employees because of the holiday season. so the search continues...

Monday, April 27, 2020

life changes in your mid 40s

I knew I needed a life change. I knew that much. that was all I knew.

bike shop life was sucking the happiness out of me. I was at a good shop that had promise of long term employment. something you can't bank on in that industry. but I walked away. I was getting angry at customers for the littlest things. it wasn't going to end well. so I walked away. not only for my mental sake, but also the sake of the shop.

I walked away with no plan. well...I had an idea, but no plan. I thought i'd try coding. I like logic. hell...I have my MA in Philosophy and I focused in logic. long story short...I was having a break down in 2 weeks of school. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I was a wreck. my most wonderfully supportive wife said to walk away, we'll figure this out. I did.

I learned a great deal about myself in those few months. mostly the importance of a wonderful support system. my family. my ability to walk away to try something completely new, no matter the outcome.  a great deal of fear left me throughout this.

a great deal. not all...

I kept wrenching for a little bit for a mobile shop, but my heart wasn't there; but I pressed on to pay the bills. once that started to dry up...I jumped off a sinking ship. this is when life started to freak me out.

where does a guy with an MA in Philosophy (taught at the college level for 10 years), worked/managed in bike shops (for 10 years) go to get a gig that isn't either? how do I find what I want to do? scratch that...need to do. what was I looking for? no freaking idea. what did I want to do? pay my bills. I knew I wanted something where I could punch in. work and then leave. not think about the work after I punch out.